I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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