How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
