so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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