I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
