I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
