I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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