I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
