I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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