it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
