I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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