Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
