I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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