Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
