you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
