Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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