Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
