my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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