There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
