My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
