woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it because I queefed?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
