Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
