My liver just broke up with me...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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