i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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