In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
