I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
