I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
