He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
