im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
