I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
