btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i came on her dog
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
