Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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