He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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