what day is it and did you see me today?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
