I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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