Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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