I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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