so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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