New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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