When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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