Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
