$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
