I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
