Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize