somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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