ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
