All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
