I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize