I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you still have your period?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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