somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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