We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
