I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
