I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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