I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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