you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
