Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
