hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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