I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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