Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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