Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
