i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
