He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
