So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
