I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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