i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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