my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
