I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
