We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
