I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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