took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
