I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
